nyc update:

I find it neccessary to give these. It was afterall, the peculiar lonliness this city brings that introduced this new way of expression; this blogging and sharing.

I am wary of counting my blessings, as if thanking someone or something justifies my deserving them. but i can begin to count the certain people that have made nyc my most desirable home. They are the few and the very many --- THAT is the beauty of this place --- an appreciation for finding the niches.

drunken dreams?

6am:
he's snoring, drunk, and the smell of beer lingers as i crawl up the loft.
i say out loud "my snory thing".
He wakes and asks "who smokes more?"
i crawl in beside him
"WHO smokes more?" he asks again
"WHAT?, i dunno"
with his index, i get a poke on my forehead
a drowsy childlike smile "you lose...susy loses"


he definately lost me on that one :)

lady in spain

with my bent knee to the butchers block
over my head it surrounds me
flashing lights and thumbing keys
twinkle lights and soaring sounds
i get taken away
simply and swiftly
gracefully and brutally
i get taken.

Important Notice: Cyber-Wide Recall

WE have found that a few of Susandia's compartments did not pass recent quality testing. It is unclear if these inadequacies are external or internal areas of concern, but we are doing all that is necessary to examine, diagnose and remedy these issues.

Any reimbursements and/or replacements will be announced to resume Susandia to her proper working conditions.

If you have any questions or concerns, please call 1-800-SUS-ANDIA to speak to a customer care representative.

Regards,
Watermelon Staff

"favorite"

The question was asked. What's your ALL-TIME favorite book. "Wait Till Helen Comes" i responded.
The word "favorite" is very unfair to time and personal growth.

The Chat Room

cont'd...
The realization that I had a way with words was probably a far cry from the truth. I had a way with seduction and flattery. Something I was always aware I had.
My intelligence was only enough to know that dispencability was the name of the game and that these personalities were shallow, temporary and most importantly facades.

Not to be mistaken, I did recognize these were real people, with real lives, with real emotions. But this was not that kind of place.

"fuck fest for the weak minded", I would tell myself a few times. But like the self loathing junkie I persisted, determined that I'd find that intelligent-humorous-laced hit again.

They came long and far between and boredom consumed me quickly.

The Life and Death of a Cyber Junkie

Part One:
I got my first laptop in 2004, for school, and i went to school year round back then...Fall, Summer, Spring , even some Winters. In addition to working full time, the idea of sitting in front of a computer for "pleasure" was alien to me.
As evidence to when my cyber-chic(ness) began, I cite the birth of Susandia. My boredom and loneliness hit in the summer of 96'.

It started simultaneously in a yahoo "art-related" chatroom about some 3d modeling techniques. A few hours, or a few days (who knows?), drunk and horny, i found myself in a flirty chatroom, reading peoples antics, laughing, smiling, curious i kept reading.

A wall flower, i persisted in keeping quiet, until the liquid courage blurted out a witty comment, and i met Sycophant. He appreciated my humor.

Later, he'd learn to appreciate much more.

TBC

Project: Tapping Foot

I'd lose my mind on repeat without them.

those translations of iterations of cliches that make it to my chorus seem to be multiplying....exponentially nagging me.
followed by the girl who cried "stop"
proceeded by the me who did not

i think i've written this before

chorus

relief.. "den---ied"

send me a song
a request by banded stroke
sent by folded note
a whisper makes the blush go red
taken by the girl instead

sink
cover
and roll...
the bell is almost rung.

sometimes

it's the sketchy walk on a lonely block
the insecurities after watching that green grass
the kind that grows brighter on the other side.
that which makes you take a breath and examine
...
...
...
then an old friend showers you with her familiar sunshine
and
it all makes sense again.
cheers to her... a true love indeed.

Contagious

summer is yelling "last call"
So it seems.
And Minutes of rain last for hours.
Trecherous hours
Every drop, a nuisance
Drop
Drop
Mutha Fuckin DROP
..
..
..
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

heatwave

I'm being drugged by summers air it seems.
Silently, it lifts my skirt, grazing my inner thigh.
Such a soothing passerby, a temporary cure.
wickedly reminding me that my heat is not skin deep.

sunshine

When all else fails, reap the sunshine :)

Tiny things

"You're gonna kill it!"

She yelled at the eager boy who was grasping at the plastic 'habitat'.

"STOP!", she tugged.

The tiny turtle was being swooshed about its tiny world. Peeking out its soft shell, all but the boy underestimated its fragility.

knick-knacks +++

HOME CATALOGUE IMAGE 003

1. precious moments: given to me with a student bible from the mormon, Laurie, who later I dropped acid with.
2. flower boy: gift from sister, who was gratfeul for my copy of Conversations With God
3. small smoking device for tobacco:) recent addition from 1st Ave. shop in NYC.
4. Monkey: Won by Todd with a claw machine thing.
5. Fritz the "Speedy" Frog: First gift from Todd. I was so naive to the relevance. :)
6. Butane: for a lighter I lost
7. stone kitty: gift from brother's hliday.