current book excerpt

subject: tension of opposites

Life is a series of pulls back and forth. You want to do one thing but you are bound to do another..you take things for granted yet you know you shouldn't. something hurts you yet you know it shouldn't.
A tension of opposites, like a pull on a rubber band. And most of us live somewhere in the middle.
"Sounds like a wrestling match.. So which side wins?"
Love wins. Love always wins.
-Mitch Albon

Ok, sure, we all knew this already.
Small steps into starting with light reads. :)

only i can save me

let me just wake now...
into my present
into my now
into truest things

he stands by my side
"one day" sharpied on my face
thimble and yarn at hand
to begin life's work again

tired heart

Im tired. an exhaustion that seems to engulf my days. not cured by the coffee or the fruit.
The tired emotion of over-emotion.
Following me to dinner as my fork clings the plate, the spoon the bowl.
a lazy handle on things.

A need to sleep through my winter months.
Please, let me just sleep

its golden

so they say...

i stand at the bank of the fall
as my pit of gold awaits me
cradled to my shape, molded to my skin
dulled to milky yellow, honing my mood
flashing its yellow's, glimpsing its sheen
its lure full of deceitful promise

i listen for a shift, a smooth slide
my toes curl the edge of stone
listening... for my bones to crack

snippets

100% natural
sorta like a dream
sunshine and blueberry yogurt
sweaty necks and beating hearts

its what makes sundays great...
the nothings
the longings
the so very somethings.

to reminscing all times before now.

Guilt

It Grinds my essence to a dust
Clentching my stomache to no breath
Its bitter stentch lingers
Relentless,,
it finds its way to empty thoughts
Filling every
Every
Every
Word and sound that surrounds me.
So painful

Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

nyc update:

I find it neccessary to give these. It was afterall, the peculiar lonliness this city brings that introduced this new way of expression; this blogging and sharing.

I am wary of counting my blessings, as if thanking someone or something justifies my deserving them. but i can begin to count the certain people that have made nyc my most desirable home. They are the few and the very many --- THAT is the beauty of this place --- an appreciation for finding the niches.

drunken dreams?

6am:
he's snoring, drunk, and the smell of beer lingers as i crawl up the loft.
i say out loud "my snory thing".
He wakes and asks "who smokes more?"
i crawl in beside him
"WHO smokes more?" he asks again
"WHAT?, i dunno"
with his index, i get a poke on my forehead
a drowsy childlike smile "you lose...susy loses"


he definately lost me on that one :)

lady in spain

with my bent knee to the butchers block
over my head it surrounds me
flashing lights and thumbing keys
twinkle lights and soaring sounds
i get taken away
simply and swiftly
gracefully and brutally
i get taken.

Important Notice: Cyber-Wide Recall

WE have found that a few of Susandia's compartments did not pass recent quality testing. It is unclear if these inadequacies are external or internal areas of concern, but we are doing all that is necessary to examine, diagnose and remedy these issues.

Any reimbursements and/or replacements will be announced to resume Susandia to her proper working conditions.

If you have any questions or concerns, please call 1-800-SUS-ANDIA to speak to a customer care representative.

Regards,
Watermelon Staff

"favorite"

The question was asked. What's your ALL-TIME favorite book. "Wait Till Helen Comes" i responded.
The word "favorite" is very unfair to time and personal growth.

The Chat Room

cont'd...
The realization that I had a way with words was probably a far cry from the truth. I had a way with seduction and flattery. Something I was always aware I had.
My intelligence was only enough to know that dispencability was the name of the game and that these personalities were shallow, temporary and most importantly facades.

Not to be mistaken, I did recognize these were real people, with real lives, with real emotions. But this was not that kind of place.

"fuck fest for the weak minded", I would tell myself a few times. But like the self loathing junkie I persisted, determined that I'd find that intelligent-humorous-laced hit again.

They came long and far between and boredom consumed me quickly.

The Life and Death of a Cyber Junkie

Part One:
I got my first laptop in 2004, for school, and i went to school year round back then...Fall, Summer, Spring , even some Winters. In addition to working full time, the idea of sitting in front of a computer for "pleasure" was alien to me.
As evidence to when my cyber-chic(ness) began, I cite the birth of Susandia. My boredom and loneliness hit in the summer of 96'.

It started simultaneously in a yahoo "art-related" chatroom about some 3d modeling techniques. A few hours, or a few days (who knows?), drunk and horny, i found myself in a flirty chatroom, reading peoples antics, laughing, smiling, curious i kept reading.

A wall flower, i persisted in keeping quiet, until the liquid courage blurted out a witty comment, and i met Sycophant. He appreciated my humor.

Later, he'd learn to appreciate much more.

TBC

Project: Tapping Foot

I'd lose my mind on repeat without them.

those translations of iterations of cliches that make it to my chorus seem to be multiplying....exponentially nagging me.
followed by the girl who cried "stop"
proceeded by the me who did not

i think i've written this before

chorus

relief.. "den---ied"

send me a song
a request by banded stroke
sent by folded note
a whisper makes the blush go red
taken by the girl instead

sink
cover
and roll...
the bell is almost rung.