dear brother

an old one
a new one
and the one that lived years ago.

I recall when my parents were younger. I liked them that way. Strong. Healthy. Willed.
our flaws held no reprucussions and duties were far between.
but as change prevails with time, unwanted truths are sure to follow

i wish that werent our reality.

well-deserved reviews :)

previously I posted about a short film called "Unlocked" by Daryl Wein. NOW he stars in the new film BREAKING UPWARDS and its getting great reviews! it's opening up this weekend.. so if your city has it avaialble. go see it! im sure it'll be great!

and note that that the star of his film Unlocked, Olivia Thirlby, also appears in this film.. yay! :)

Twisted, bright, and full of joy

Snippet thoughts

The crowd is good and happy
My lips are wording the phrase
"You found it"
"You found it, there"
And my smile into memories warms their presence before me.
Love
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

facts

easy breezy.
I dont get angry often. I pout sometimes and throw tantrums when i dont get my way. i usually do. BUT sometimes it seems the universe tests me. And I am a true believer that i have control of my surroundings. So there must be a negative energy I am giving off, because I sincerely have had a horrible week and a half.
So breathe with me and remember.

susy fact #1: bad days always remind me of a book i read in gradeschool: Alexander and The Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

back to complex numbers

unpacking i rediscovered my abstract algebra textbook. Funny thing, it doesnt sound diffcult, "abstract algebra", but its not for the light-minded either.
So I began reading it, unlike I had during my math degree..which was in a hurry, fully-frustrated, exhausted, and almost angry state of mind.
Makes me feel smart and stupid at the same time.
i used to think that contradicting emotions were unhealthy, now i think that some subject matters demand it for the sake of appreciation.

spring showers in BK

my heart beats slower under water, there is no such thing as quick bath, and having one in the kitchen is highly recommended.

i miss the kitchen tub.

endearing choke

at approximately 8:07am the wind blew my scarf, I pulled it lightly to distress instant suffocation. yank, adjust, pull... pull.. yank!..a twist of my head. my hair tangled in my coats collar. a mess of fabrics. Intentions to remain calm psychotically bullied into a short-breathed frenzy.
i gasped for air as i look up at the ornate building facades, my black umbrella on the ground, the scarf wrapped tight at my fist. i cursed the skies at center sidewalk. and for only a moment i wished id pulled the scarf the other way... done.. done DONE!
bumped, to regain my breath.
and one footstep returned me to my equilibrium.

non-threat-existence

There's a glare that is pronounced at moments when i enjoy the sun. Looking away for a moment helps... but sometimes a tip of the head, a fall of some hair, fractures the suns gleam enough to keep my eyes steady and ahead.

and there...

there...

hold that spectrum still... take me into that place where my skin melts and my therapy exceeds the hour. simply takes my gravity. steals my soul and blinds my daily woes.

everything... everything exists there and forever will... my colorful spectrum.

thievery

my toe pricks the puddle that stands so still

a subtle touch, a ripple in macrodimension 

a single sway of thigh, a thunderous wave

our floor unsettled, it shifts with beauty

unbalanced, my toes grip the stone

feel the thoughts that flutter by me

familiar, they calm my body

carress my cheek, heat my bones

...

,,,

hyper stylized

entertain me

i can shuffle my coins to tease  you

lick at my lips and uncross my legs

be  your hard core groupie

be your blow addict skank

so entertain me

let me exceed my potential

fun!

Rendering real-life architecture was nice for a bit, but playing with pretty shapes and stuff that will never exist is fun too.

rain me ...

into a puddle with you
let the drops form your hands
and the cold hold me still

pour me into your drowning terms
into the mud that forms below me
statued forever into earth
your silk my eternal day

Fresh Start Day

Jealousy and insecurities have never been a large part of my being. I would lieing to say I never felt them, but last night was something different. A monster surfaced and took no prisoners. and needless to say, humility followed thereafter and this morning. It's a sickening feeling. A wad at the pit of my stomach feels like rising to hurl of self disgust.

and so today has been claimed "Fresh Start".
So let us start anew. Let me start my truth again.

lost without...

...returning with creations of my own... soon.