my sweet thang!

4am, call the black towncar
"manhattan, W11th and 8th!"
apply the lipstick, check the eyes
the street lights, the bridge
to that hippist french bistro
to wait for him to strut out
in the cold air as the body burns

12 days

12 days till final review and the sense of desperation is surfacing amongst my fellow classmates...should be intersting as we all approach our final days and nights...and somewhat like a mild delirious trip on lsd and speed.
hoorah!
hoorah!
hoorah!

no point entry 001

giving up isnt an option...and rarely ever is.
i mean the idea of giving up on something, a person, oneself, and such seems so unbearable. it's the act of deciding to say "i am no longer putting effort into this and am regarding the thing at hand no longer a priority"... and i know ive done it, but i just cant put my finger on when.

current sound

it's always a woman's voice that soothes me the most

suffocate me with your second hand t-shirt
with your smile and your black hair
sweat dripping, people laughing
bodies grinding and the sheer life of it all
intoxicating

god says

i cant sleep...ive written and deleted about four entries. frustrated and ungrounded, i then planned on reciting to you my first efforts at poetry. while pulling the poem folder from the shelf, Meditations from Conversations With God stumbled out.

MEDITATTION for Nov.23 : BEGIN BY BEING STILL. QUIET THE OUTER WORLD, SO THAT THE INNER WORLD MIGHT BRING YOU SIGHT.

yes it's a psuedo-meditation...but maybe i will try to be still for a bit.

dime adios

my emotions dont seem swayed. they stick and stay. i pleed for their remission but they return with a vengeance, even more intrusive and more aggressive.
conquer and defeat i think
talk and reason i think
subside and move on i think
deny! deny! deny! i think
i think?

these knots

beautiful things can turn into a muddy haze afterall
but i guess, thanks must be given for all of life's etc., etc., etc.

take my hand
wrap my fingers
walk me to the land
you said our future lingers

dear jane,

your smile has been subdued by greys
cringing at the smells of mold, pushing back at shoulders passing

your step pounds down at loss
your breathe devours gaze
your eyes scream at the heavens
each and every thought and moment
EVERYTHING!!! AND ALL!
more defeating than the last.

sincerely yours
your fall

dear john,

this smile is resistant to this cold air and grey gloom.
it withstands the nudges on the street and the smell of wet cement.

each step is filled with hope...
each sigh breathes in new life...
each eyelash flutters slower...
each...each...each everything
EVERYTHING!!! more sublime than the last.

sincerely yours
in autumm

what's her name....that chic

she walked in and her face was as pink as cotton candy.
i dont remember her name but i remeber her this way.
she was so cool in 2002...behind the SanFransisco Steakhouse.
leaning over the mirror, smiling at us.
she was so cool.

i really wish i could recall her name.

shock and awe

how many pratt architects does it take to dispose of a dead mouse?
if i werent around they would just wait for next day reinforcment.

i shimmied the pour little thing into its brown paper bag.
so after the "you're more of a man than i am" and "of course, she's texan". i got to thinking.
my dad is a hunter..he hunts deer mostly and some boar. i was taken along once and taught to handle and shoot firearms. and at my younger age, we raised chickens, rabbits, and the periodic goat [which we watched get cleaned and butchered]....so maybe i am more of a man [in refernce to the caveman scenerio...since it was a caveman comment].

texan? people say that a lot here. and hell yes i'm texan and im proud of it!
otherwise, im not sure how being texan might pertain to wanting to dispose of a decomposing carcass in my workspace.

Dr. susy

the last season has arrived..the last month or so where i will be in a learning [institutional] environment for the sake of me. the last winter break is approaching. the last last-day of class is approaching. the last time i will be amongst classmates is approaching...at the age of 29. my last season...docrtine anyone?
nah...let's try the real world for a week or so.

susy!

work before play!
work before play!
work before play!
grrrrrrrrrrrr