my solstice

i dont take anti-depressants. and the sun isn't shining.. and the vacation i need seems a season away (oh, because it is :)

the realization that it can easily be labeled as "the winter blues" make me angry.
but knowing my spring and summer will return is definately something to look forward to.

i do miss three summer seasons in texas though.

signs

So after the cheer, it seems this year ended with a whole new set of rules.

This is a ranting "journal" type post, which hints that I may be able to go back to my original ways of expression, journals, sketching, painting. I hope so, cause Im getting sick of my ways these days.

WE all have bad days. bad weeks. those arent truely the thigns that get us (me) down. Its when our light stops shining for a moment.. it takes so much longer for it to get lit again. the older i get, the harder it is. we all know this. I hate self-pity.
shut up and buck up!
but i stand here with that familiar stick in my hand and want to beat the shit out of me. because then id know id be licking the mud i lay on.. with nowhere else to go but up.
so hurry the fuck up and start swinging, cause im ready to fight back.

love it.. gotta have it..

i love the sting and i love the burn
and hot damn i love that feel
the way it tickles up my spine
to my shoulder blades
to my brows that curl

the creep of it all..
how could i not fall in love!
with that untouchable feeling
that IS
indeed
touched so well

as noted:

Planet of the Apes on "infinite regression".. taken and exchanged by Quantic.
Definately a Top Ten, the movies, not the tune :).

the non-unique argument

I've made it plenty.. the over-bloggers, the over self-indulgences, the self-promotions for inadequacies that have taken over our lives. I am one of them. I started this blog because I couldn't write in my diary/journal anymore. My writer's block to my own self conscious.
The argument is, of me and all others, who cares what we think? I am not special. I am not wise.
I talk to myself...as if life is something more than us talking to ourselves.
i am not special says me to me, and to the person next to me until inifinite regression takes over and i speak to myself face to face, reassuring the fact that i live in all of you and you live in all of me.

merry christmas

here we go!

grab your stuff
pack your bags
get your pretty feet a'movin'

cause im on a roll!
rollin and scrollin
uhuh
rollin and scrollin
and killing time for you huh

*note: susandia is temporarily out of service. maintanence crews may sprinkle fairy dust causing unstable biproducts.
Please do not respond to this notice... this is an automated response.

jungle blood london

with bouncing knee and curled lip
strobed lights, i smile to the sky
blinded and happy

oh sweet caroline, mix me into tantric grin

Disclaimer:

In my search for me i found you
so, i log less and blog less..
my theraputic less...
less has taken over.

and so much more it is.

needless drinks with neccessary gatherings

what else are the holidays about.
love
giving
and of course, reaping the benefits of giving :)

happy holidays.

Life Appreciation 101

we sunk into the couch together
the near death
that slumber sleep awake
blowing minds
tumbling bodies
we fall together
and then apart...
and back together...

her moans a whisper
"this is too much"
and with our warm enbrace
we return from life deprivation

not my normal post, but...

three things...
1. DMT rocks!
2. on a cancer tangent: cheers to my mother's well being.. all cemo is DONE! :)
3. this makes me feel "OK" about all the to-go containers i throw away weekly... "we are here to fuck shit up" ha!