Monday, January 27, 2014

Sunday, January 23, 2011

old stone..

looking at him with weeping eyes "ill help you jump!"
as her own body fell beneath her own feet.. through the concrete into the cold air between water and stone.
her voice seemed tot carry only but an inch
her eyes and body not paid wage to
and alone her hand slipped his
he stood stoic with a smile
that bared no resemblence to hers.

Saturday, January 15, 2011

let's do this!


Sunday, January 2, 2011


with my hair in rollers, a bride-to-be at my side, and a ghost looming over me.
That's how it began.
it continued with careful footsteps
that escalated to a flutter by the spring
and danced furiously in the summers heat
my sunshine was too bright for our fall
and the winter blues never came.

Happy new year to all..
(heart) teamlove

Monday, December 6, 2010

looking back

i started sharing my thought online four years ago. first it was a "journal" then the blog. it was simply a way to write again. I'd stopped writing in my paper journals and thought it might be easier via blog/typing. Four years ago today i wrote this via Journal Home:

12/6/2006 - all down hill
well finished the most relevant final of the semester....STUDIO JURY.

this is where students present work to a panel of architects and they tell what you did right/wrong.

so after not sleeping for three nights, i present, and a big shot architect tells me my design represented mush. mush in the sense that i could not make a desicion on what i wantd my architecture to be. the other two jurors liked my desicions but said the project lacked conviction. so this was not a good jury, to say the least. very bad actually.

the problem: i was too aware of what other students were doing all semester and not allowing myslef to become my own architect. i am talented, i was 1/15 people accepted to this institute, so why the hell did i sell myself short?

common of me to do this, but usually i analyze and repair, so next semester i will enter with conviction!

nice to know in two semsters i will have a masters, i would have never thought.

Sunday, November 28, 2010

its been a long time

..since i posted that song.
since the dent on my couch was made
since i pushed two keys for rewind

every intimate listen.
evey close aqcuaintance,
...i give it thanks
i give it my growth, my heart, my love

i give it every knowledge
every thought i knew
cause until it
it seems i knew nothing.

Monday, November 22, 2010

my ballerina's cave

my hand rested on her knee at a Bedford cafe
and we felt embraced by Silence
through the awkward moments and strange discomforts
the year had given us our love
"there are only a few people i share this dreary with" she said

realizing that we were in this together
get into my head please.
pull these thoughts out!
buy them steal them use them sell them
fucking take them!!
they make crazy
i lose myself



Thursday, November 11, 2010

simple words from a simple girl

I've always thought my writing was "simple". I never use big words and I'd like to believe my sentences are usually coherent (enough).

The winner of this years "The Bad Writing Contest" was...

"Judith Butler, a Guggenheim Fellowship-winning professor of rhetoric and comparative literature at the University of California at Berkeley, admired as perhaps “one of the ten smartest people on the planet,” wrote the sentence that captured the contest’s first prize."

The move from a structuralist account in which capital is understood to structure social relations in relatively homologous ways to a view of hegemony in which power relations are subject to repetition, convergence, and rearticulation brought the question of temporality into the thinking of structure, and marked a shift from a form of Althusserian theory that takes structural totalities as theoretical objects to one in which the insights into the contingent possibility of structure inaugurate a renewed conception of hegemony as bound up with the contingent sites and strategies of the rearticulation of power.


Sunday, November 7, 2010


and as my fingers trailed my belly's skin my eyes lightly fluttered open and the lips of my husband pressed at mine. and a long smile crept over my face in relief. He was still here. Making dinner as a matter of fact.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

A few things...

I've learned about myslef as of late.
1. I'm overly self concious of annoying someone in random conversation. I tend to speak about random things in a story-like fashion, but without a climax or punchline ending.

2. I don't do things for myself. I've been meaning to: get a massage, go relax at the russian bathouse, take a yoga class and finally of course a live model drawing class. I need to make a list of these. Priorities are a bit these days.

3. Grey hair. I have them now. A bit superficial, but they are a bit depressing. :)

4. I'm awesome. This may seem self consumed but for a person that has thought as herself as average, "nothing special", and "a dime a dozen" , its a big step for me in self "love". Not to be mis-communicated as a lack of confidence. This is a realization that I am who I am becuase of me, not because of luck or the people I surround myself with. I've made some of this, i've made some of "me" happen and I'm happy for the signs that have shown me this.

5. And bartendars seem to enjoy my conversation on slow wednesday nights.


Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

all is worth keeping

The idea of being abandoned is not a pleasant one. It's enough to make a kind person call the friends they cherish, hug the people they love, and pour their hearts out to the few they wouldnt be able to live without.
It can make a selfish person do the same.
Our office has been working on a secret project for an abandoned subway station. In the meantime I am enjoying the architectural and social moments of being deserted with an embrace.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

..continued (short thought)

The goal tonight was a small one. Wash one load of dishes and one load of laundry within the first hour of arrriving home. With the habitual act of turning the key to my gate and the key to my front door,  the warmth of my home embraced me. Immediately thereafter, came the shedding process. The thoughts of washing dishes and doing laundry tossed to the floor with the very clothes I wore. The office work, the deadlines, the cold aura surrounding me left in a trail behind my naked body. ...

Sunday, October 24, 2010


This particular feeling was all too familar. The intention to wait to have a child becoming an accident that I could no longer have one. The intention to only make out with a boy the night before, but accidentally sleeping with him. The intention to move on, but accidentally staying frozen on the platform. "The choices of a naive child" i thought as the trains velocity blew my hair to my lips. my fingers brushing the strands away.
I silently mouthed the words "one-thirty-four" as i I began to walk. The number was my weight and It had been for many years now. I am not fully aware of when this became an aural automated responce to moments of mental boredom or self-ridicul. But it was my catalyst to thoughts of bettering my life, my situation. The number somehow had become my catapult to goal-making.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

baby steps_let us begin

I purposely put the book beside me, in the empty seat. My eyes shifted with my body, at an attempt to disown it. Thoughts wandered to the woman who held a child across from me. The child seemed to hold the insight of the universe in her blank stare. "Peculiar child", i thought as the train's attendant called the next stop and i planted my feet to the floor. It stopped and I left, realizing noone called to me for the book I'd left. At that moment the intention became an accident and I stood with a tinge of regret.