To the unforgotten

I felt a familiar connection to him, like a brother. Sure, I once had a crush on him, but that passed with endearment. He was so beautiful. Wickedly charming, and naturally warm.
"Thanks for coming" he'd tell me when I'd make the drive out to huntsville.
I knew the value of his thanks. That alone, made the sadness I felt leaving him there bearable.
I suppose there is a certain romanticising who he was. He didn't make it passed the age where his actions were unacceptable and lame. Young and rebellious and lost. He died that way.
I've always liked to think that he meant to die, in a drug induced euphoric state perhaps. That at that moment, he was at peace with himself.

Happy birthday Mario.
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night terror

One of those things that I always seem to underestimate. Its illogical that I do, since I don't take my vivid and very lucid dreams for granted.
This time the man in black came at me. Gun in pocket and head down. Pushing me against the roll down store gate and pulls the trigger. It happens rather quickly and The fear is as real as the joy or passion I feel in better dreams. . I wake up in a cold sweat and the feeling that someone just used my stomach as a punching bag. And my naseau rises with the short breath and spins.
Toss
Run
Puke

Fucking dreams, sometimes they're just cruel.
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sappy susy

bah.. the idea of going home has got me all upside down in emotions. i love nyc. but i love my family. my familia alanis. the pride i feel knowing i belong to such a loving family. such a happy family. my parents did something beautiful in raising us. all different, but all loving, all holding this unconditional love for the ones let into our lives.
im not bragging, but counting my blessings as i realize that i am dearly loved by so many and that i can love them all in return.

count to three

the point of decision can be a scary place.
not making one soon enough is scarier.

im petrified at the moment.

Yo! Short stuff!

Its something I've always enjoyed. Being small. My legs stil dangle off chairs, as they did off the blue plastic chairs in gradeschool. And the smell of my hair is more often smelled than my neck, that's the reason I sprtiz the top of my scalp with my favorite fragrances. My mom taught me that. then there's the knowledge that noone will take my harsh words seirously, but take my smiles ten fold.

Cheers to being small and being me.
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