even the image

have been very dissapointed in my entries.
and my emails arent getting sent.
and my thoughts seem to be vague and without point.

and i think people are noticing...yeah, what people?

strummimg

id like to play just a bit longer...with you, and you, and you over there....yeah you...
just long enough so...so...so i can hold it in no longer and the screams get louder, come pouring out, flooding, seiving...the orgasm reached at the brink of pure delight.
c'mon, lets just play a bit longer...

well

yes, it is, one of those posts, the rare occassion that i write cause im in a good mood...might be delirium, but it doesnt really matter...i dont care...i like these times, when i know my body needs sleep but i sit with fellow calssmates and do one for old time sakes...just for fun...to test our dedication...to make sure we dont think we're too good for it...to keep us together, grounded, and ungrounded....

emergency room charrette

no need for meditation...48 hrs with no sleep and the need to concentrate establishes no thought...not one...for a split second anyway...maybe two seconds...who knows...
until a dream sneaks in as your eyes stay open...and your fingers keep moving...then you realize "wait, this isn't right" and awake again.
then your friend starts gabbing across your desk as she plays with her pen against here scalp..scratching herself...as she drifts in and out of thoughts..rambling..
then you both have an epiphany!
at exactly the same moment!
like a burst of light!
its not the red ink running down her forehead, its Xacto-blood.

mirame

she's so beautiful...so free...so me
fumbling at those heels she never wears

"mirame, dime, que haces chica!?!?"

i dont understand...i dont speak spanish.

"mirame, claro. claro que si!"

no! no i don't! now fuck off!

god, these fuckin heels

last word...i got it

the word is thankyou...
no, no, hold on! sorry...
Retract!
the word is...cool
the word is...cool
the word is...cool

dissipate does not mean to dissapear

Dissipative system...non-equillibrium structure with:
1. permeable membranes- exchange of energy, matter, and entropy.
2. "open system"- many inputs therefore many solutions.
what makes the dissipative system beautiful is that in all the "chaos" there is actaully order that leads to a syncronized change. this bifurcation, this phase change, emerges at such a moment when enough pressure is added and otherwise would never happen without it...

waking to luxury hotel sheets

exhilerating...the morning after...the morning after the great night that included laughter, 'dancing', drinking, and life's sweet spontineity. so sweet. so unbelievably sweet...as it slowly drips down to become the things we call...moments. the ones we live by.

curiosity won't kill this cat

looking out the window...

meet shallow

say hello susana, this is friend
"hello!"....
he says "hi!"
"hmmmm...ummmm...what a beautiful day"
he says "yes, it is"
silence.
"i think...ummmm...what do you think?"
he asks "about what?"
"about me?"

the breath you bear on me

the small filament meant to burn in my mind and soul, it glimmers with hope...but the one in my heart has burst into flames, causing an uproar to everything surrounding it...earth forbid a zephyr or the smaller flame's breath will be consumed.

i'm not poetic

i just wrote some stupid poetic thing and deleted it...im not poetic. but with this i realized i should be bluntly honest about something...anyhting...like i owe it to you and me to be honest after trying to lie.
seems i cant
my apologies i just dont feel like being honest
worthless post

are you claiming
that you're playing
thats a good one

you walk in so slowly
tell me you love me
dont worry ive got it

watch

shedding

it's about that time i think, or the beginning of its' beginning...the shedding of excitement.
where the disinterest appeared and i didn't even notice.