shiny sounds

my grin spreads to my ears as the crack at the bench begins to hand me the key to his heart. I snatch it, carressing the splinters it once touched. my fingers stroke, molding its perfecet shape to lay my ear on. my body bends to it.. what a perfect sound, my lover.

homesick.

i stood there with mudded legs, matted wet hair and part of my pink and white dress clentched into a fist. The blood was showing through my small hands as he yanked my secret free.
my toes curled the water gathered in my jellies. and the red carpet absorbed my drips softly. I could feel me mothers warmth against my fathers scorn, and my brothers fingers curling into one of mine. my breath kept me statued and my chewing lips kept me from crying as i felt the sting at my stomach.

i miss the fence that cut my belly that rainy day. and the ache it brought me.

the monster: that of procrastination.

to begin to stop something.
to stop something to begin something else.
to begin to begin, but never actually starting.
it can be never-ending, never starting.

i noticed...

a few things today:
1. the cloudy day made everyone at the coffee house sleepy (after small talk with my barista guy and ms.jenny next to me)...which brings me to the next one...
2. I truely do enjoy meeting strangers (i have been warned about the dangers of this)
3. biking in nyc is exhilerating (i am addicted)
4. and finally... people always seem to be "camping" at the G train (lovely couples tonight).

good night. :)

dear brother

an old one
a new one
and the one that lived years ago.

I recall when my parents were younger. I liked them that way. Strong. Healthy. Willed.
our flaws held no reprucussions and duties were far between.
but as change prevails with time, unwanted truths are sure to follow

i wish that werent our reality.

well-deserved reviews :)

previously I posted about a short film called "Unlocked" by Daryl Wein. NOW he stars in the new film BREAKING UPWARDS and its getting great reviews! it's opening up this weekend.. so if your city has it avaialble. go see it! im sure it'll be great!

and note that that the star of his film Unlocked, Olivia Thirlby, also appears in this film.. yay! :)

Twisted, bright, and full of joy

Snippet thoughts

The crowd is good and happy
My lips are wording the phrase
"You found it"
"You found it, there"
And my smile into memories warms their presence before me.
Love
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

facts

easy breezy.
I dont get angry often. I pout sometimes and throw tantrums when i dont get my way. i usually do. BUT sometimes it seems the universe tests me. And I am a true believer that i have control of my surroundings. So there must be a negative energy I am giving off, because I sincerely have had a horrible week and a half.
So breathe with me and remember.

susy fact #1: bad days always remind me of a book i read in gradeschool: Alexander and The Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

back to complex numbers

unpacking i rediscovered my abstract algebra textbook. Funny thing, it doesnt sound diffcult, "abstract algebra", but its not for the light-minded either.
So I began reading it, unlike I had during my math degree..which was in a hurry, fully-frustrated, exhausted, and almost angry state of mind.
Makes me feel smart and stupid at the same time.
i used to think that contradicting emotions were unhealthy, now i think that some subject matters demand it for the sake of appreciation.

spring showers in BK

my heart beats slower under water, there is no such thing as quick bath, and having one in the kitchen is highly recommended.

i miss the kitchen tub.

endearing choke

at approximately 8:07am the wind blew my scarf, I pulled it lightly to distress instant suffocation. yank, adjust, pull... pull.. yank!..a twist of my head. my hair tangled in my coats collar. a mess of fabrics. Intentions to remain calm psychotically bullied into a short-breathed frenzy.
i gasped for air as i look up at the ornate building facades, my black umbrella on the ground, the scarf wrapped tight at my fist. i cursed the skies at center sidewalk. and for only a moment i wished id pulled the scarf the other way... done.. done DONE!
bumped, to regain my breath.
and one footstep returned me to my equilibrium.

non-threat-existence

There's a glare that is pronounced at moments when i enjoy the sun. Looking away for a moment helps... but sometimes a tip of the head, a fall of some hair, fractures the suns gleam enough to keep my eyes steady and ahead.

and there...

there...

hold that spectrum still... take me into that place where my skin melts and my therapy exceeds the hour. simply takes my gravity. steals my soul and blinds my daily woes.

everything... everything exists there and forever will... my colorful spectrum.

thievery

my toe pricks the puddle that stands so still

a subtle touch, a ripple in macrodimension 

a single sway of thigh, a thunderous wave

our floor unsettled, it shifts with beauty

unbalanced, my toes grip the stone

feel the thoughts that flutter by me

familiar, they calm my body

carress my cheek, heat my bones

...

,,,

hyper stylized

entertain me

i can shuffle my coins to tease  you

lick at my lips and uncross my legs

be  your hard core groupie

be your blow addict skank

so entertain me

let me exceed my potential