my solstice

i dont take anti-depressants. and the sun isn't shining.. and the vacation i need seems a season away (oh, because it is :)

the realization that it can easily be labeled as "the winter blues" make me angry.
but knowing my spring and summer will return is definately something to look forward to.

i do miss three summer seasons in texas though.

signs

So after the cheer, it seems this year ended with a whole new set of rules.

This is a ranting "journal" type post, which hints that I may be able to go back to my original ways of expression, journals, sketching, painting. I hope so, cause Im getting sick of my ways these days.

WE all have bad days. bad weeks. those arent truely the thigns that get us (me) down. Its when our light stops shining for a moment.. it takes so much longer for it to get lit again. the older i get, the harder it is. we all know this. I hate self-pity.
shut up and buck up!
but i stand here with that familiar stick in my hand and want to beat the shit out of me. because then id know id be licking the mud i lay on.. with nowhere else to go but up.
so hurry the fuck up and start swinging, cause im ready to fight back.

love it.. gotta have it..

i love the sting and i love the burn
and hot damn i love that feel
the way it tickles up my spine
to my shoulder blades
to my brows that curl

the creep of it all..
how could i not fall in love!
with that untouchable feeling
that IS
indeed
touched so well

as noted:

Planet of the Apes on "infinite regression".. taken and exchanged by Quantic.
Definately a Top Ten, the movies, not the tune :).

the non-unique argument

I've made it plenty.. the over-bloggers, the over self-indulgences, the self-promotions for inadequacies that have taken over our lives. I am one of them. I started this blog because I couldn't write in my diary/journal anymore. My writer's block to my own self conscious.
The argument is, of me and all others, who cares what we think? I am not special. I am not wise.
I talk to myself...as if life is something more than us talking to ourselves.
i am not special says me to me, and to the person next to me until inifinite regression takes over and i speak to myself face to face, reassuring the fact that i live in all of you and you live in all of me.

merry christmas

here we go!

grab your stuff
pack your bags
get your pretty feet a'movin'

cause im on a roll!
rollin and scrollin
uhuh
rollin and scrollin
and killing time for you huh

*note: susandia is temporarily out of service. maintanence crews may sprinkle fairy dust causing unstable biproducts.
Please do not respond to this notice... this is an automated response.

jungle blood london

with bouncing knee and curled lip
strobed lights, i smile to the sky
blinded and happy

oh sweet caroline, mix me into tantric grin

Disclaimer:

In my search for me i found you
so, i log less and blog less..
my theraputic less...
less has taken over.

and so much more it is.

needless drinks with neccessary gatherings

what else are the holidays about.
love
giving
and of course, reaping the benefits of giving :)

happy holidays.

Life Appreciation 101

we sunk into the couch together
the near death
that slumber sleep awake
blowing minds
tumbling bodies
we fall together
and then apart...
and back together...

her moans a whisper
"this is too much"
and with our warm enbrace
we return from life deprivation

not my normal post, but...

three things...
1. DMT rocks!
2. on a cancer tangent: cheers to my mother's well being.. all cemo is DONE! :)
3. this makes me feel "OK" about all the to-go containers i throw away weekly... "we are here to fuck shit up" ha!

iron-clad

you're so iron-clad... always easy-breezy.
i smiled and responded, "of course"

there is no other way to be i thought to myself
but then i recalled a few things

i have lost my ground at times.
i have spoken to soon, or too late, at times. or not spoken at all.
i have felt too much too soon at times
and some thoughts have surpassed logic, intelligence and good-will.

BUT i don't make mistakes.. only decisions, and oh-so thankful i am for those.

Yellow Haze

I gots nothin...so ill post an accidental image that my phone decided to take.
Hence the argument that there are no real accidents.
That's my argument...
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

spoons of sugar

not like the ones forced at my mouth to stop my anemic shakes or car-sick nauseating spells.
Hmm, but now that we're on the subject, i suddenly feel the need for story telling.

I was about 5 years old, summering in Mexico, when i first realized i didn't like to be in things that moved too fast, particularly, in a circular motion.
The wretched thing was part of a traveling carnival next to my grandmothers house. It was called Platillos Voladores (flying saucers). I sat, waiting, happy, excited, as the mechanical spins began. Regardless of the cool mountain valley air, sweating palms and neck began to come over me. I took a breath holding onto my cousin and the bar on my lap.
Faster it went. Holding my breath i clenched harder, mistaken for fear, as my first cold sweat and nausea consumed me. looking down at me, realizing, she took my head to her chest covering my eyes, saying that would make it better, only seeming to make it worse. Repeating to myself, "this is fun... this is fun... supposed to be fun..."
It seemed like eternity, the slowing down , the oh-so long slowing down of my saucer. looking at the bar to lift. waiting. breathing short. sweating cold.
We quickly walked home, embarrassed of getting sick. my grandmother took one look at my pale face to nearly yank my cousin's arm out of her socket, then dragging me to the kitchen.
I remember being picked up and plopped on the stool my grandfather had made me. I was fed a spoonful of sugar followed by a bottled joya.

Under other circumstances this dinner would have been a great start to my evening :)

slowing down

to a screeching hault
with my heart at my sleeve
and my keys at your feet
i stand bare before you

finally: "Unlocked"

I watched this short film outside, at a park , before Hair was about to begin. My friends weren't impressed by it, but it stuck with me. And I finally, 2 years later, found it, only by LINK.

more from Daryl Wein.

Untitled

By a mile the wind sails
By a league the ocean wails
Until into a river
Until into a stream
Beyond the raindrops reach
Below the mud so deep

It went...
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

current book excerpt

subject: tension of opposites

Life is a series of pulls back and forth. You want to do one thing but you are bound to do another..you take things for granted yet you know you shouldn't. something hurts you yet you know it shouldn't.
A tension of opposites, like a pull on a rubber band. And most of us live somewhere in the middle.
"Sounds like a wrestling match.. So which side wins?"
Love wins. Love always wins.
-Mitch Albon

Ok, sure, we all knew this already.
Small steps into starting with light reads. :)

only i can save me

let me just wake now...
into my present
into my now
into truest things

he stands by my side
"one day" sharpied on my face
thimble and yarn at hand
to begin life's work again

tired heart

Im tired. an exhaustion that seems to engulf my days. not cured by the coffee or the fruit.
The tired emotion of over-emotion.
Following me to dinner as my fork clings the plate, the spoon the bowl.
a lazy handle on things.

A need to sleep through my winter months.
Please, let me just sleep

its golden

so they say...

i stand at the bank of the fall
as my pit of gold awaits me
cradled to my shape, molded to my skin
dulled to milky yellow, honing my mood
flashing its yellow's, glimpsing its sheen
its lure full of deceitful promise

i listen for a shift, a smooth slide
my toes curl the edge of stone
listening... for my bones to crack

snippets

100% natural
sorta like a dream
sunshine and blueberry yogurt
sweaty necks and beating hearts

its what makes sundays great...
the nothings
the longings
the so very somethings.

to reminscing all times before now.

Guilt

It Grinds my essence to a dust
Clentching my stomache to no breath
Its bitter stentch lingers
Relentless,,
it finds its way to empty thoughts
Filling every
Every
Every
Word and sound that surrounds me.
So painful

Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

nyc update:

I find it neccessary to give these. It was afterall, the peculiar lonliness this city brings that introduced this new way of expression; this blogging and sharing.

I am wary of counting my blessings, as if thanking someone or something justifies my deserving them. but i can begin to count the certain people that have made nyc my most desirable home. They are the few and the very many --- THAT is the beauty of this place --- an appreciation for finding the niches.

drunken dreams?

6am:
he's snoring, drunk, and the smell of beer lingers as i crawl up the loft.
i say out loud "my snory thing".
He wakes and asks "who smokes more?"
i crawl in beside him
"WHO smokes more?" he asks again
"WHAT?, i dunno"
with his index, i get a poke on my forehead
a drowsy childlike smile "you lose...susy loses"


he definately lost me on that one :)

lady in spain

with my bent knee to the butchers block
over my head it surrounds me
flashing lights and thumbing keys
twinkle lights and soaring sounds
i get taken away
simply and swiftly
gracefully and brutally
i get taken.

Important Notice: Cyber-Wide Recall

WE have found that a few of Susandia's compartments did not pass recent quality testing. It is unclear if these inadequacies are external or internal areas of concern, but we are doing all that is necessary to examine, diagnose and remedy these issues.

Any reimbursements and/or replacements will be announced to resume Susandia to her proper working conditions.

If you have any questions or concerns, please call 1-800-SUS-ANDIA to speak to a customer care representative.

Regards,
Watermelon Staff

"favorite"

The question was asked. What's your ALL-TIME favorite book. "Wait Till Helen Comes" i responded.
The word "favorite" is very unfair to time and personal growth.

The Chat Room

cont'd...
The realization that I had a way with words was probably a far cry from the truth. I had a way with seduction and flattery. Something I was always aware I had.
My intelligence was only enough to know that dispencability was the name of the game and that these personalities were shallow, temporary and most importantly facades.

Not to be mistaken, I did recognize these were real people, with real lives, with real emotions. But this was not that kind of place.

"fuck fest for the weak minded", I would tell myself a few times. But like the self loathing junkie I persisted, determined that I'd find that intelligent-humorous-laced hit again.

They came long and far between and boredom consumed me quickly.

The Life and Death of a Cyber Junkie

Part One:
I got my first laptop in 2004, for school, and i went to school year round back then...Fall, Summer, Spring , even some Winters. In addition to working full time, the idea of sitting in front of a computer for "pleasure" was alien to me.
As evidence to when my cyber-chic(ness) began, I cite the birth of Susandia. My boredom and loneliness hit in the summer of 96'.

It started simultaneously in a yahoo "art-related" chatroom about some 3d modeling techniques. A few hours, or a few days (who knows?), drunk and horny, i found myself in a flirty chatroom, reading peoples antics, laughing, smiling, curious i kept reading.

A wall flower, i persisted in keeping quiet, until the liquid courage blurted out a witty comment, and i met Sycophant. He appreciated my humor.

Later, he'd learn to appreciate much more.

TBC

Project: Tapping Foot

I'd lose my mind on repeat without them.

those translations of iterations of cliches that make it to my chorus seem to be multiplying....exponentially nagging me.
followed by the girl who cried "stop"
proceeded by the me who did not

i think i've written this before

chorus

relief.. "den---ied"

send me a song
a request by banded stroke
sent by folded note
a whisper makes the blush go red
taken by the girl instead

sink
cover
and roll...
the bell is almost rung.

sometimes

it's the sketchy walk on a lonely block
the insecurities after watching that green grass
the kind that grows brighter on the other side.
that which makes you take a breath and examine
...
...
...
then an old friend showers you with her familiar sunshine
and
it all makes sense again.
cheers to her... a true love indeed.

Contagious

summer is yelling "last call"
So it seems.
And Minutes of rain last for hours.
Trecherous hours
Every drop, a nuisance
Drop
Drop
Mutha Fuckin DROP
..
..
..
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

heatwave

I'm being drugged by summers air it seems.
Silently, it lifts my skirt, grazing my inner thigh.
Such a soothing passerby, a temporary cure.
wickedly reminding me that my heat is not skin deep.

sunshine

When all else fails, reap the sunshine :)

Tiny things

"You're gonna kill it!"

She yelled at the eager boy who was grasping at the plastic 'habitat'.

"STOP!", she tugged.

The tiny turtle was being swooshed about its tiny world. Peeking out its soft shell, all but the boy underestimated its fragility.

knick-knacks +++

HOME CATALOGUE IMAGE 003

1. precious moments: given to me with a student bible from the mormon, Laurie, who later I dropped acid with.
2. flower boy: gift from sister, who was gratfeul for my copy of Conversations With God
3. small smoking device for tobacco:) recent addition from 1st Ave. shop in NYC.
4. Monkey: Won by Todd with a claw machine thing.
5. Fritz the "Speedy" Frog: First gift from Todd. I was so naive to the relevance. :)
6. Butane: for a lighter I lost
7. stone kitty: gift from brother's hliday.

Taker

MORAL IMAGINATON:
sunny reading by David Bromwich
morality and imagination have something to do with eachother, and both have something to do with the power of human sympathy. Most people would grant that much. Difficulty comes when we try to decide how and where to bring morality and imagination together. ...Morality, we say, is concerned with the real and its objects are actual. Imagination conjures fiction and its objects are, at most, probable: we could believe them real in a world that otherwise resembled our own.

AMOEBA: body without organs
The term ‘body-without-organs’ is borrowed from Artaud to suggest the ‘true’ condition of the human body if freed from the punishments of a repressive God. Deleuze and Guattari remap the fixed biological body as a dynamic force field of speeds and intensities, ‘traversed by a powerful, nonorganic vitality’ which includes the mind. The body-without-organs is ‘affective, intensive, anarchist’ in nature. Like the AMOEBA, it is open to surrounding matter, which it incorporates.

brought to you by mirame, aka mirasol, aka blood_bunny, aka BloodsBunny, aka bunny_cakes, aka claramante, aka mirame xue, who solely follow(ed) the structural set known as Id.

sunshine for breakfast...

with a cup of coffee on the side.

Very nice when all that stands between skin and sun is a hair-tie and a bracelet. My first hamptons getaway. :)

archi-rant

I don't talk about architecture too often here, eventhough it takes up most of my days and all of my reading efforts. (i do need to broaden my horizon with literature and current event reading)

In designing a recent "concept" project it proved apparent that many architects forget about the neccessary handrail. And when i say.. "oh look, we can raise this wall here to make a bench that acts like a rail" or "peel the wall or floor here to make a fluid handrail" .. i get this roll-of-the-eyes-look.

really? that's the best almighty FOA could do? Link

hehe.. always a critic :)

happy [late] anniversary darling

My sweet Susandia.
The date slipped by me.
If things go the way I planned we have one more year together... so let's paint the town red with....

Watermelon & Tomato Salad
4 cups watermelon cut in large dice
4 cups tomatoes cut in large dice
1 cup red onion, thin sliced
1 jalapeno, minced (maybe 2 :))
1/3 cup extra-virgin olive oil
2 tablespoons balsamic vinegar
1 teaspoon kosher salt
Pepper, chili/cayenne powder to taste

mmmmmm

-it's healthy

hands off my fragile wrists

I stand the ground I make
the ground I shake
the ground I break

my flag, my territory
slaved and claimed
by my wilted fingertips

it's mine to keep

the end is near, if not here already

the 6th sense approximation
it has a way with words in me
letters slowly show on the marquee
puzzled together as they float by
revealing its skin under the smokey bath water
drops forming the names, the things
that will wash away in due time

tennis date :)

blue skies, green eyes and golden hair. lime green puma gear strutting out a beat up F150, how could i forget?

half-heart healthy

Cheers to beautiful nyc lunches.

the x bomb!

tap tap and tap
my foot hangs from the seat to bar down under..
... tap
... tap
... tap
the repetative motion, the repetative thought, the repetative sound
at my head
at my foot
at my stomache
the addiction preys on me at the incremental second
with every orchestrated word that hangs
at my lips
at my fingertips
at my lashes
the addiction that strums each chord
over
and over
and over again.

East Village Litter Trials

Two weeks ago: The cardboard litter box was hanged with a wire hanger from the basement water pipe. The sign attached read "THIS DOES NOT GO WITH THE PLASTICS!!!". It was a statement, a revolution by Denis The Trash Sorter.

Yesterday: Denis's friend, Mark (who I now rumor as lovers) sent out the monthly STOOP SCOOP newsletter. Amongst the pleasantries and birthday reminders, a note at the end read: "Will the owner of the cat litter box please make yourself known to Denis".

Today: Every cat owner recieved a hand written note. Ours read:
S & T,
Do you use "FRESH STEP" cat litter?
___ YES
___ NO
Please return to Denis in apt ##.
...

Clearly, my answer is no, but I SOOO wanted to check yes.

fill my current niche

In adapting, animals fill niches as a survival mechanism. Thier habitat is compromised, so habits, even physiological attributes are modified. The smaller creature grows a bit to eat the larger insects that his "neighbor's" growing population hasn't monopolized.
And so it is. that we fill a niche. If even for a moment for different things and different people.

Just leave me your residue please.
I'm collecting.

"fuck all yall" pre-party prep

I listen to his preaching
"scraping through my head till I don't want to sleep anymore."
his chords, his lips, his brows
dark and brilliantally painted

"this thing is slowly taking me apart"
letting it fall like the towel around me

"just a fading fucking reminder of who i used to be"
my mouth mouths.. rising.. breathing.. leaving.

oh, little girl....

stroke me with your lies
bathe me with milken honey
I feel the everything...
heavy drop drips at my navel
thickened layered covered lips
a trembled finger strums
bends and crooks
to a beat of the bass that rolls and pounds and sounds to the fuery of the crazed thoughts that plummet to the ends of the light that seem to pierce the other side of my brain.....disbelief in perfection itself as it lands upon me.

indefinately

The verdict is in, one more year, at least!

3am rendezvous

with my coolest cat. alone.
the midnight stroll
the late night excursion
a ten year habit not worth breaking

Our anniversary is on thursday.
Ten Years.

Cheers to My Todd.

Cheers to us.

we's a creative bunch

A friend, marissa, has finally put up a site for her [Jewelry Line].
check it out and support my peoples! I'll remember to sport my summer tan necklace soon! :)

manic moments

call for manic "shake and shift"

Fiona Apple - New Music - More Music Videos

it's been written about before...

in a sophomore English class titled "alive".
The Mustang's wheels cycled at the road from Austin's cross country meet. An end of a winning season, in more ways than one.
My smile radiated to a gleam as Billy C. began "Today". Legs unfolded as Jesse watched me sit at the car's open window. gripped by an ankle and pushed by the wind I took a deep Texas breath and sang...
..
..
..
It was the day I knew that I'd be happy forever.
..with or without him.

revelations II ... the sequel

seems the month of May is my highly instinctive month.

Revelations
they happen.
awakenings...my happy awakenings.
im leaving for a bit.

who is this?

-no, who is THIS?

I'm 7 feet tall and silver hair and purple eyes. We used to ball in the sky together.

-ha!
...the grass is always greener on the ground
...well, unless its a [Patrick Blanc] wall. :)

bah!

boredome + camera phone + rainy white light = nothing impressive
..
..
..
boredome + nothing impressive + computer = bah!

Eye spy

with my little I.. something sweet
and decadent and oh so satisfying

Indeed the taste of peaches is divine in the spring time.

some for fun

pakistani underworld
...but he thinks its a beach chair
hoot!
hahaha!

Laundry day

It's a thing Teamlove does together... A broken shoulder isn't good for our ritual, not to mention my wardrobe.

actions vs words

so i fucked up.. let someone down in a very dramatic way.
It is not in my nature to apologize for my actions.. the words "im sorry" are rarely spoken. the words "i apologize" are spoken more but also dependant on the situation... more often for my careless actions.

In this situation: "i apologize, in the most sincere way".

But on the same token, I don't expect they care for my apologies...as usually i don't care for someone elses. I accept apologies all the time, but in the sense that i say, ok lets move forward. forget and forgive is an easy notion for me.

But as I vowe never to do this to this person again, i wonder if they'll ever even give me that chance... for redemption.

i'm tired

I'm a nap fanatic.. I don't think there should be any shame in taking a nap mid day. and if it so happens you're at work at midday then so be it.
i want a nap. :(
-watermelon is healthy

clickity mousy

i remember now how exhausting design can be..
perfectly and beautifully exhausting.
last two days for the competition...
first offical MIRA charrette!
and have the next thing alreay lined up!!!
clickity clack!

coffee: chosen poison

i have nothing to say, but i feel like saying something.
So let us choose a subject..
and by us, i mean me... cause frankly Frank, the tank that gives a shit took the last train out.
yeah that tank.. he's an asshole, never takes a moment in the sun, to smell the flowers and feed the bees.

-Watermelon sometimes makes love to Cantaloupe in my fridge.. i think it's a bit disturbed

psycho bitch atcha!

the seperation of my limbs
ripped apart, tossed and slammed
painting the ground with my shame
marking far distance between us

desperation flooding my laid cheek
drowning my open mouth
its consumption a painful victory
marking the far distance i see us

the high tide holding steady
steady
calm
steady
it mocks my eager eyes that wait for its recession.

sunshine!

not just the kind I seem to give off, but the REAL kind..

the cherry blossoms were reaping springs benefits... so i fell in love with an underdog.

FYI.. brooklyn botanical gardens are free to any Pratt ID holder, AND their friends.

MIRA tangent

one competitin inspiration that might become my summer flavor.

thin ropes

my toes curl trying .. steady
the balance tretourous
my eyes unsteady at yours
they shake me
test me

they fail me

seasons

want

to
go
camping

:)

my friends rock!

the feel good zephyr made its way back to me!
But this time with the help of a friend how sent me a video, another who brought me cake to work, and of course The One who brought my breakfast to bed.

Indeed it's a bright day!

And as a different friend suggested recently... I do feel like a pedestal is in my horizon...if only for a day. HA!

news bulletin:

it's raining...
this place eroding at such a level
so subtle the shift
only by time an inch
making me stumble down

clearly sopping
covered and drenched

such a cliche of a storm

break me...

already!
your thoughts are creeping
running and seeping
not at your words
but your actions that follow

very unfinished.

we are the same

To give MIRA a nice introduction I entered a competition with a friend.
By the end of the night we had the concept, the idea, the very thing that would make our project unique and rich in so many ways. I'll unveil that later.

But I have to say that the idea emerged from a conversation that somehow included a story about camping. I enjoy that we made no reference to architecture or architect's works or theories. Which is a relief because I am the last person to ask who built what. It is a guilt I have, not knowing the architect and the names of the spaces they construct.

Nice to see her take my side at the execution line

...although not an incentive to change it. :))

One down

Clean office...yay

Pre-Spring Rant

So it's not here yet.
But wow a need to clean is obvious... Needless to say the office is high on the list. Followed by a russian bath saturday that mght help in the reorganization of thought and ideas that keep rattling without consequence.
this unsettling feeling that i'm not doing enough is really starting to annoy me
*grabs the violen and resumes to play for the crowd that walks by ignoring her (rightfully so)

mr. derrick!

even I go through braindead lapses. :)

-what do watermelons look like?

good times

nephews, soccer games, weddings and fajitas! made for a great trip home. :)

Launching MIRA

McKinney Independent Research of Architecture

My cybergirl has finally truely transcended into my real world... very positively. Sure it took time, humility, self-honesty, and most of all and best of all it took finding My people.
I thank those that have stuck around and have returned for my upbringing, as of course, they are catalysts to it.

First MIRA exercise:
http://gimmeshelterurbanshade.blogspot.com/

emote spoken "sigh"

sure, yea
if you say so

fingers fumble at my thread
pulling at its weave
unraveling what amazes you
into the very thing that doesnt

self portrait exercise

bearing my teeth that salivate at its taste
the perfectly taken drug that craves consumption
leaving bruises that resonate passed the day
passed the night, into the morning of matted hair
witnessing my knees scraping at the floor
the stained splintered fibers trailing
leaving behind the painting of pure greed

Our Three Marker

My sister used to drive us in circles on the HIghways of Houston. I was 15 she was 25. I learned a lot on these drives, about her, about love, about being 25, and sometimes about the things i promised myself i wouldnt be or do.

THree weeks to lose the "I totally like HIM!!!" infatuation.
Three weeks to get over the few guys who drop me before the three weeks are up.
Three week marker of dating suggesting we'll make it to three months.
Three month breakup. Very common.

I was 15, what did I know? SHe was the oldest, sheltered until let free at 18 to only immediately get pregnant.

yes, pointless entry. nostalgic and reminicint days.
Probably brought on by my brothers wedding next week!
I love me some pre-wedding fasting. lol.

couch 101

I have a few addictions that I need to learn to manage.
I say manage because I am very convinced that I am addicted, so moderation is my first step.

-OK. So, let us begin by focusing on something else this coming weekend. Something you haven't focused on in a while? OH! You're time is up...finish that thought next week. You're doing great.

Pfft. Thanks.

braggin rights

Be My Valentine :) by Rem

mellow like a cello

it happens...
that feel good zephyr,
similar to that magic couch
like that yellow submarine
or those blue sheets
taking me on a very satifying ride
dropping sunshine in my pocket

it feels good to feel this good.

it makes sense

K: so I'm doing it!
-what?
K: have a breast augmentation appointment on Friday, thought you should know.
-wow! ha! well good for you , but aren't you a full B?...but I guess you used to be a very full C
K: yea my girls ruined me! haha! AND they are 30% off if I pay cash...good thing, cause I don't really feel like putting these on credit.
-yea..true.. with the recession in full swing, you don't wanna commit to any long term costs.

-watermelon boobies are good...i assume

nostalgic letters

the wrench turns to the ink
a breath of relief
familiar
sliding legs together
then apart to discontent
spread eagle to the sun
playing our fingerprints
falling to the cold blades
so smooth
so much more perfect
at arms length

REMiniscent phonecalls

AFTER A SHOW, sidewalk:
-why are you being such a bitch?, loudly spoken... proclaimed.
her gasp, a strong shift
her stride stops, a girl bumps into her from behind.
the anger! it rose like something new.
a bite of her lip, searching for ANY warm resonance
something to hold on to... nothing
his ground covered, almost a block ahead already
inhale, turnaround, exhale, walk (away)
lips at a temble, eyes at welt

FIVE GUYS, maybe an hour later:
a bacon cheese hotdog please...
-onions?
yes...lots... diet coke
-fries?
a sniffled yea, fries.
.
.
.
her phone in hand, back at her ear again
half forgotten fries on the side, dripping thumb of cheese
mumbling, licking, bawling
FUCK HIM!!!
god...IM A FUCKING MESS!!!!!
sighed chuckle at her ear.. yea hun, you are.

happy love day!

http://thislife.org/Radio_Episode.aspx?episode=374

I haven't listened to the whole thing myself to be honest, but the Introduction (followed by 3 acts-stories) is held close to my heart... by relation to my best friend's heart. He said it was good, so I believe him. Enjoy, as I will.

note: u might have to be in the "listening" mood. :)

ctrl + Z

backspace your way here why don't you
tapping that cushion at my side
marking your sunken seat
watching that tune we danced to

ah yes...listen
breathe
forget
..
..
..
in sync
so seperately unique

city lights

they pass, testing me
instigating
tawnting
initiating my angry words
well, FUCK YOU!
monkeys in the cage sense my vengeance
my calm to thoughts of massacre
mocked by a loney mouse that scatters across my desk
deleting my simple smile

seriously...

why would i not take into consideration that i had to work today...as i drank my fourth Jameson on the rocks lastnight?
it's been years since i had a hangover at work

trying days

it would be so easy to crawl under a nice fresh down comfortor right now...alone...just me.

you tease!

tomorrow you'll be a memory
your golden stare on my cheeks
dancing notes on my shirt
replaced by cold
...
a little girl on the train today was bundled in pink in her stroller... and her stares looked so contemplative. not curious, nor happy, nor sleepy, but as if she was in deep thought.
then she sneezed and laughed.
looking up with a smile myself, i noticed a much older gentleman looking at me look at the child. the age difference was complimentary i suppose.

rebuttal

with a dose of goodness! :))

voila

:the crimson red fabric is raised

it was there before, sadly
even my curiosity to its dissapearance, diluted
a bitter sigh of relief, so
finally, gone.

oh honey you're dangerous...

A sideways look at his lips
the deliberate smile twisting at hers
as she sees the familiar twinkle
sensing his confusion, his excitement
his utter disbelief in her perfection
her slow "turn-away"...

teleprompter guiding her script
her shoulders drop to a silly smile
feeling his exhale,
his nervous redemption seiving
to a cool breath
cuing her next move

her "needing" eyes smile up
making his chest fill,
posture rises to a kings lair
stride determined
as her breath falls calm
knowing...selfishly satisfied

mobile test + nervous

interesting few days ... ending with a nice 6 hour visit to the DC airport
cross your fingers for me...TWICE.
one for the small plane that I am on...which will be "bumpy"
second, for a new job in LA...

beverly hills anyone...geez..even I'm surprised sometimes.

..in 60 degree clouds

venison tenderloin and beef fajitas topped off with some tamales.
HOME!
My mom will tell me im too skinny while my dad looks two steps behind me for my todd...as he scolds me for traveling alone.
I get to meet my new niece and see my nephews having grown.
hopefully play some tennis with a dear friend. and drink with another.

and of course..the deposition...
I'd rather swim in the silver linings.

cutting back on...

...bad stuff
So the holidays are over and the few pounds did creep thier way into my jeans. Not to fret, I have things under control. :)
As I get older my intolerance towards the "unhealthy" grows. I'm not sure if this is making me more shallow...Recently, more and more, I am disgusted to see someone have a total disregard to their health and composure.
I am definately not a perfect picture of health, so I have no jurisdiction to draw conclusions about ones choices, and there are better things i could judge a person on...character, honesty, intellegence, etc.
THere is no real point, except that im gonna try to be a fucking rockstar in all senses...

tomorrow i will probably delete this, realizing its not productive.

desire

when technology and society has stuffed our pockets with the tools to sabatoge our well being. :) the beauty of human character

bittersweet melodies

a breath, a sigh
a sullen fall to the couch behind me
reliving the touch, the smell, the feel
eyes fluttering to the distant thought
a gaze, almost soothing

feeling the needles at my back
pulling me through
relentlessly keeping me from my calm

replay

you!

not you! don't be so presumptuous!
YOU there..yes YOU!
this is mine...

ha!
i was about to rant when a distressed friend calls from a coffee shop that only takes cash. As i save her, she saves me.

cheers to ppl who dont believe in credit!

boiling

A hexagonal pattern emerges in water when heat is added to it in a uniform manner.
This pattern will persist indefinately if it remains a closed system.
BUT as an open system the uniformity will be disturbed by an imperfection in the plate, inpurities, or heat differentiations.
The order [at our visual scale] bursts into the familiar beginning of a roaring boil.
The threshold is acute but relevant to the beginning of its dissipative phase...magically floating away into a mist.

complexity over simplified...i'm tired.

render me new

A brisk twenty minute walk with cheeks warmed by the sunshine.

Where did I go?
Where did I go?
Where did I go?

practice round

the empty barrel didn't satisfy
the paper boy didn't budge
it mocks, my shoulders pulled back
and the breath at lips agasp

the artificial breeze sways him
to the rhythm of a dry swallow
he smirks passed the yellow gaze
even passed the brown eyes, to the new

preparations were made for this
but yet it surprises every time
the pendelum that drops to the tangent of empty
it surprises me everytime

care bear

In giving friends advice we learn things about ourselves.
I don't give advice much, but when i do, its only because I can feel the anger, confusion or hurt they feel. like looking in a mirror of experience. Hence, i RARELY give advice.

but i did and i can breathe easy with her
knowing that with the begining of her closure came the final steps in mine

happily, a deep breath

back-to-work pleasa-pastries

The turnover..
really easy to make.
fun sticky flaky mess when eaten.

enjoy with moderation

what now?

exactly.
what now?

home catalogue image 002

sheer curtain: came with apartment
cat: The Brain, adopted 6 years ago from HSPCA
pillow: gift from Delkash on year ago, I need to call her.
virgin mary candle: going away gift from cookie and chad in 2006

with this debut, came ours

happy new year to my coolest cat